It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
