maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
