The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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