youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
