I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it was like eating out sand paper
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
