Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
