dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
