I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
