I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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