Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
