bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
