I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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