When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
