There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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