im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have grass duct taped all over my body
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
