Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
