i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I love having hate sex.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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