margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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