I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
