Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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