i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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