She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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