omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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