8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize