well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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