Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
