My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize