I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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