I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
