My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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