My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
