i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
