we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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