Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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