This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
