You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
