glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize