Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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