Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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