I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All I want is dick and wine.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
