I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
