I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
