He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can I color on your dick again?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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