i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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