can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
