I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
