Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
