Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
