My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
