so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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