my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We're too hungover to prance.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
