Just mADE A PArabola og urine
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
