id be glad to
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My life is pants optional.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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