I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
