i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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