My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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