you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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