Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
