I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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