The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
