it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
